Aishe News

Gather 'round for the greatest diplomatic show on Earth! Remember the Abraham Accords? That's Trump's Middle East peace plan that actually worked – which shocked everyone more than finding out that camel milk chocolate is actually delicious. The Abraham Accords: Middle East Peace-Making for Dummies Picture this: Trump returning to the White House, strutting around like a peacock with a real estate license, pointing at the Abraham Accords and saying, "See? See what I did there? Nobody thought peace in the Middle East was possible, but I did it. I did it better than anyone. Some say better than Abraham himself!" ( Note: No one actually said this, but why let facts get in the way of a good boast?) Now, as Trump gears up for his sequel – let's call it "Middle East Peace 2: Electric Boogaloo" – he's eyeing Saudi Arabia like a businessman spotting an empty lot in Manhattan. The Saudis are playing hard to get, which is basically the diplomatic equiva...

The world's longest-running geopolitical drama: "Keeping Up with the Kims!" While Trump was busy on the campaign trail talking about, well, Trump (shocking, I know), our favorite hermit kingdom has been quietly planning season 2024 of their hit series "How to Get Attention Without Starting World War III." North Korea: The Reality Show Nobody Asked For, But Can't Stop Watching You see, North Korea is like that friend who posts cryptic social media updates when they're feeling ignored. Except instead of vague Facebook statuses, they launch missiles. It's their way of saying "Hey, remember us? We're still here! And look what we can do!" It's basically international relations meets toddler show-and-tell, but with nuclear warheads. Remember 2017? When Trump went all "fire and fury" on Kim Jong Un? That was like watching two reality TV stars trying to out-drama each other. Trump was giving us his best "You're fire...

Return of the Wall: This Time It's Personal Grab your hard hats and your Trump-branded taco bowls, because The Wall is getting a sequel! That's right, like "Fast and Furious" but with more concrete and fewer car chases. Trump and his potential VP pick JD Vance are basically the Batman and Robin of border security, except instead of fighting crime in Gotham, they're determined to turn the US-Mexico border into the world's longest home improvement project. The Great Wall of Trump 2.0: Now With Extra Spice! The Military Solution: Because Why Not Add Some Tanks to Taco Tuesday? Trump and Vance have suggested sending the US military into Mexico, because apparently, they've mistaken cartel documentaries on Netflix for invasion planning guides. Picture it: US troops rolling into Mexico, only to find themselves stuck in traffic behind a convoy of spring break tourists heading to Cancún. "Sir, we've located the target!" "Is it the cartel?...

Ah, Venezuela – the soap opera that keeps on giving! Picture this: it's like a messy breakup where one ex (Trump) spent four years trying to make the other ex (Maduro) jealous by hanging out with their rival (Juan Guaidó), only to realize that maybe, just maybe, they should've just talked it out over coffee. Or in this case, over a barrel of oil. Venezuela and Trump: When Oil Romance Goes Wrong During Trump's first rodeo as president, he went full "The Art of the Deal" on Venezuela. His maximum-pressure campaign was basically the diplomatic equivalent of putting all your ex's stuff in garbage bags and leaving them on the front lawn. Sanctions here, sanctions there, sanctions everywhere! It was like watching someone try to open a jar by hitting it repeatedly with a hammer – sure, it makes a lot of noise, but is it really getting you anywhere? But hold onto your empanadas, folks, because Trump 2.0 might be a whole different telenovela! These days, he's a...

Gather 'round for the most spectacular, the most tremendous story of political flip-flopping since pancakes became a breakfast food! Remember when Donald Trump said cryptocurrency was "potentially a disaster waiting to happen" ? Well, folks, that disaster has turned into what he now calls "the biggest, most beautiful opportunity in the history of opportunities, maybe ever!" The Tremendous Tale of Trump's Crypto Conversion The Great Conversion Picture this: It's 2024, and our former president, the man who once declared his currency of choice was "the United States Dollar," has gone full crypto-bro. I mean, what's not to love? It's got all his favorite things: volatility that rivals his Twitter feed, technology nobody fully understands, and the perfect opportunity to put his name on something new. Trump Tower, Trump Steaks, Trump University, and now – drum roll, please – World Liberty Financial! Because nothing says "liberty"...

Ah, the European Union! That lovely collection of countries who decided that the best way to stop fighting each other was to create enough paperwork to make war seem like the easier option. Well, folks, they're about to face their biggest bureaucratic challenge yet: Trump 2.0 - This Time It's Personal(ity Politics). The European Union's Guide to Surviving Your Difficult American Uncle Picture this: You know that uncle who shows up at family reunions, criticizes everyone's life choices, demands they pay for their own meals, and then complains about nobody visiting him enough? That's about to be America's foreign policy toward Europe. The EU is frantically googling "How to deal with difficult relatives" as we speak. The US-EU relationship is about to become less "strategic partnership" and more "it's complicated" Facebook status. Gone are the days of cozy chats about shared values and mutual understanding. Now it's going ...